Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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