Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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