My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
