That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
