Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
