My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
