I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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