She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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