Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
