know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize