My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
