Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
