I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
