i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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