She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she smelled like a LAN party
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize