At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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