Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
