I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
