I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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