go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize