I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
