Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
