Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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