Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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