I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
