I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
