How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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