please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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