There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
