before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize