I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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