Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
