i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
