everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
