Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
