I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
