i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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