I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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