My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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