My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
