He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
