you traded sex for a burrito?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize