eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
