you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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