you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
