i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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