You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
