I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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