things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think i have two assholes
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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