I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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