i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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