So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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