I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize