If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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