Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
