Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i now understand why vodka
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
