You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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