so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize