so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
