i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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