90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
