She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
