Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
