My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
