The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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