god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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