Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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