I just made out with a guy for $7.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
