I seem to have left my pride at pride
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
