I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize